Bert and Ernie 4 Eva

Posted: August 13, 2011 in homosexuality, Identity

It’s Official: Bert and Ernie are NOT GAY. Thank fuck for that.

‘Bert and Ernie are best friends.  They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves.

Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation*.’

A gayist rights group in Gayland Sanfrancisco tried to ‘out’ Bert and Ernie and force them into a gay marriage against their will.

Luckily, the Sesame Street programme makers were having none of it. And Bert and Ernie are allowed to continue to be ‘just good friends’.

I am sure Eric and Ernie would approve!

..and so would Jerry and Dean. (My understanding of cultural representations of men’s manlove without the Gay comes mainly via Mr Simpson)

*But I have to take issue with Sesame street, as does Heresy Corner and others, about puppets not having sexual orientations. Look at Miss Piggy and Kermit- they got married! Maybe that is why are so upset. Ernie and Bert just didn’t want to. They like being bum chums I mean friends.{%22ImageId%22%3A1602252}

  1. Heresiarch says:

    Puppets don’t have a sexual orientation? What about Miss Piggy’s rampant batrachophilia?

  2. Alex says:

    Is this the bedroom furniture of a couple with a full, physical relationship?

    Bert and Ernie are friends. An intense, co-dependent, deeply bromantic friendship, but that’s all. We’re so threatened by this perverse situation, we have to sanitise it by sticking one’s cock up the other’s arse, in the hope that that way it will be a bit less gay.

    • I think what Bert and Ernie get up to in the privacy of their own sleep room is up to them.

      They aren’t ‘bromantic’ they are possibly ‘queer’ and homosocial.

      But they definitely are Not. Gay.

  3. Alex says:

    I suppose some things might have happened. One night when they were drunk and it was a while since they’d got laid. But I reckon if that was what their relationship was about they’d at least have pushed the beds together.

    Don’t quite get your objection to bromance though.

  4. Sam Vega says:

    About ten years ago Christian group tried to out Spongebob Squarepants, but he was having none of it.

  5. Elise says:

    My own objection to “bromance” is that it takes a *step back* from recognizing the queer implications of strong male friendship (as QRG says), even as it pretends to recognize them. It’s in defense against the overwhelming self-consciousness (post queer theory) about homoeroticism in representations of male relationships (such as the comedy double act that Bert and Ernie belong to). Basically, it makes things *less dangerous*.

    Piggy and Kermit got married because they exist in the Muppet Show world, which is more adult. I mean, those cranky old guys in the balcony, *definitely* a couple.

    Personally, I think Ernie should marry his Rubber Ducky.

    • billsnshits says:

      He also seems to have something libidinal going on with cupcakes, to the point of trust issues cropping up.

    • Hi Elise- very well put.

      Also ‘Bromance’ is used as a kind of genre that makes even actually open ‘gay’ relationships ‘less dangerous’ by de-sexing them. eg Brokeback Mountain. Sometimes I think gay culture is becoming one long boring bromance.

      I used to *love* those cranky old guys in the balcony as a kid. That says something about my own queer sensibility. I always go for the fossils!

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