I Hate Morrissey Because

Posted: July 12, 2011 in Mark Simpson, Morrissey, Reader, Meet Author

I hate Morrissey because 1984. Because he gave us no choice. He took all the boys I knew and turned them into versions of him.

I hate Morrissey because you can’t be a girl and a bona fide Smiths Fan. Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I read it in NME, and in Saint Morrissey

I hate Morrissey because he made hating Thatcher trendy. And I hate to be part of the in-crowd.

I hate Morrissey because he killed poetry. He was the ‘sociopath who annihilated Plath’ and he can’t even write poems .

I hate Morrissey because Manchester was already self-important enough.

I hate Morrissey because 1993. He tricked us into thinking we had something in common apart from him, and our suicide friend.

I hate Morrissey because Vauxhall and I was a warning sign. Because I didn’t listen, even though I knew it off by heart.

I hate Morrissey because my England never has been white.

I hate Morrissey because ‘John Major sings Morrissey sings Girlfriend In A Coma’ is only funny the first 10 times.

I hate Morrissey because listening to middle class white men analysing pop music was already boring enough

I hate Morrissey because I had to know a real Bengali in Platforms. And I hated him too.

I hate Morrissey because 2011.  Because he makes the heterosexual, bearded Jarvis look like a sissy.

I hate Morrissey because Mark Simpson. I hate Mark Simpson because Morrissey. I hate both of them because I can’t tell the difference.

I hate Morrissey because

  1. Elise says:

    You’re going to hate me (appropriately)… but I think this is beautiful, hahahaha!

  2. Tim says:

    Who ?

    I must have lived under a rock up until today, because I have no Idea who Morrissey is.

    … Either that, or you are ooooooold *Creepy Ghost Sound*.

  3. marc nash says:

    So true about being a male fans only band, much to understandable of good women friends of mine at college, with whom I formed an anti-Morrisey alliance cos I just hated him for most of the other reasons you cite. All their boyfriends mourning Ian Curtis in their long overcoats jumped at the chance to transfer allegiances and counter-cultural masonic handshakes to The Smiths and whenever they played gigs, off they’d pop, hems of coats dragging in puddles leaving us Moz widows back at college with nothing else for it but to do our essay assignments.

    Plus he set off my hay fever with his gladioli when I’d turned up to see The Fall & The Smiths were the support band (did they get the homage joke? I doubt it).

    Thank you for lancing a particularly pustulent boil. (Can’t wait to read what you have top say about the Gallagher Brothers)

    Marc x

  4. marc nash says:

    damn, missing the word ‘chagrin’ in opening sentence there. More Lacan than Foucault…

    • I made Lacanian refs to Morrissey once before when I was feeling less belligerent about him. And Saint Morrissey is very Freud/Lacan. But yes, my memories of antipathy to The Smiths/Moz come from more social reasons. They divided people as well as uniting them in quite brutal ways.

      • marc nash says:

        I think there has always been a ‘collector’ mentality about boys with certain bands, in that they have to have every single bootleg and out-take recording and the like for the sake of completion. Little difference from stamp collecting or football star stickers. The Smiths designed their material perfectly with that mentality in mind.

  5. billsnshits says:

    Translation: “suck your own dick, Morrissey!”

    But I think he’d rather do that anyway. And his boys (or bois) would call it poetry.

    The Butterfly collector sounds so much like The crying game. Songs don’t influence other songs, they just get digested and shattered. But in this case, Geoff Stevens’ 1964 The Crying Game seems to have found a farting heir in the big old M.

  6. billsnshits says:

    Singer Dave Berry. Lyrics (and probably melody) Geoff Stevens.

  7. Lolo Holmes says:

    I’m too busy burning effigies of Morrissey to have time to listen to other music.

  8. billsnshits says:

    I hate morrissey b/c if you aren’t listening to his music, you’re listening to something else and he dies away.

    If a big St fag like morrissey can’t sustain his notes beyond their expulsion, why should any be accommodated with our reverence? We’re just making it easy on artists by repairing their poor shelf value with longer expiry dates.

    Then I got to testing fagiography on old Shaksies and I have to admit, if you have to fagiographize someone, fagiographize the original despiser of reputation:

    Glory is like a circle in the water,
    Which never ceaseth to enlarge itself,
    Till by broad spreading it disperses to naught.
    William Shakespeare

    Apparently that’s henry the 6th part I. Who reads henry the 6th part any? How would I ever run into that? All I know is “to be or not to be” and the rest, to puking. The whole shakespeare canon top 10 is totally out of whack.

  9. why worry about some emo guy when england has bands like this:

  10. billsnshits says:

    Some emo guy! Man, you hit HARD.

  11. Yes stoner I may hate Morrissey but that doesn’t mean I won’t defend him to the death.

    He’s harder than all those metal heads put together.

  12. If you read the post you will see my ‘hate’ comes from intimate knowledge of Morrissey’s music and context. So calling him an ’emo old fart’ is not going to endear you to me Jim!

    • Jim says:

      It gets worse, QRG. There are whole stretches of popular music that are a wilderness to me. IOW I don’have a clue about what I am babbling about here. This is what happens as you move into middle age- you just stop paying attention to it. There’s too much else going on.

      Wasn’t Morrissey’s main period at the same time as all that 80’s pop in Britain? (I was paying some attention to that). Kind of a counter-balance?

  13. billsnshits says:

    This is so insincere, but it all just reminded me of when jokes go too far:


    (simpsons, 1:40-3:00)

    if this post doesn’t get automatic approval due to the hotlink, consider that it’s too silly to approve and don’t bother approving it.

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