The following post is from my new Favourite Blog evah! Sofia is ‘a 21- year- old woman with an interest in relationship and gender politics, evolutionary biology, comparative politics, philosophy, and generally paranoid thoughts about our looming dystopic liberal future’. And she takes on feminism like I have seen nobody else do, apart from, if I should be so bold, QRG.
It’s a pity because he’s really cute, and he has this dorky, Northern-European immigrant aesthetic going for him, which is totally my type. Aaron thinks he looks like a “fag” (not a homosexual, just a straight guy “fag”). He majored in Women and Gender Studies, so physical appearance aside, I wouldn’t want to date that basket of issues.
To the matter at hand, he’s pioneer of a project called “The Consent Project” and a collaborator in “Men Can Stop Rape“. To which I say, no they can’t. No amount of awareness raising will stop a minority of sexually frustrated and otherwise creepy, perverted men from being creepy perverts who wish to rape women. Those are the men that are committing violent rapes. As for the sometimes blurry lines of consent (if a girl is drunk but spreading her legs), shouldn’t women be trying to take some responsibility for preventing those situations from happening in the first place?
Here is some of the horrible advice Ben Privot dispenses:
Check ins are a time to temporarily stop what is going on to determine how all parties are doing… Checking in with your partner during a hookup allows people to express pleasure, express discomfort, change their minds, suggest new things, say yes!, say no, or anything else.
Again, if this is so effective, then why can’t women initiate it? Moreover, if a guy keeps doing this in bed, I’m going to interpret it as sexual inexperience and creepiness and run the hell out of there before I get violently raped. (Lulz)
What is a love letter? It’s pretty self explanatory. It’s an opportunity to creatively envision your next hook up. You can explore the mood, the environment, the wardrobe, or anything and everything you can imagine.
Has this guy had fucking intercourse? Nothing EVER goes according to plan, especially when you are trying to orchestrate sex with a girl for a one night stand, or a second date night. What about ‘last minute resistance’, that famed shit-test Roissy has addressed?
Longer-term relationships pose unique challenges for consent.
I feel like, so many times when I’ve been horny, I’ve just started sucking my boyfriend’s dick when we’ve been watching T.V. and it’s mostly led to sex (sometimes we keep it at a blowjob). I find that method works. Alternatively, he’ll club me over the head with a bat and drag me back to the bedroom neanderthal-style. I wake up and I only know what’s happened because of the sticky miscellaneous substance dripping out onto my thighs. Oh whoops, sorry, trigger warning.
Anyway he blathers on and I’d be surprised if any guy actually gets to the pussy-rainbow after following his horrible advice. (Seriously, is he a virgin?) One of the bigger questions is why can’t these tactics be implement on behalf of women? Is it because men are always up for sex? Do you suppose perhaps, that’s because of biology?
Post Script by QRG
I don’t know if I agree with everything Sofia says. But hey, that doesn’t mean I am an anti-anti-feminist ok! I think she is spot on in the way she draws attention to the way these ‘men can stop rape’ campaigns put the onus on men to ‘solve’ an impossible ‘mystery’ of our times, as to why rape happens and how it can be stopped. The fact is rape/forced sex/sex without consent is probably going to be a part of life forever. So suggesting that any man with any decency has a responsibility to try and change his behaviour towards women, seems mightily unfair. I would add that this narrative seems to be heteronormative at first glance. Is it all about men raping or not raping women?
Real Men Don’t Rape. Or if they do, they will buy you a nice bunch of FLOWERS to make up for it…