‘I tried to explain to Mr X that it would only be really fun for me if they really genuinely hated it. And he said what about consent? And I said er…
That’s why I shouldn’t be allowed out to explore my sadistic side. I am quite a literal person.’
That in fact sums up my whole problem with sex. I have to hate it to enjoy it but that is hard to arrange, without risking genuine debasement/assault/despair. And all the feminist submissive books and blogs in all the world have not told me how to reconcile that paradox. And neither has Mr Foucault.
Also- why hasn’t anyone just said that? Why do they write such convoluted justifications and ruminations on such a simple problem? I guess Wilde and Crisp and Vidal have said it. But hetero women never do. Not even Anais Nin. Especially not her.
Is it because women need to hang on to ‘victim status’ for when it all inevitably goes pear shaped?
Is it because they need to hang on to the myth of the Great. Dark. Man?