The Boy – A poem by Marilyn Hacker

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Identity, Masculinities, Uncategorized, Writing
It is the boy in me who’s looking out
the window, while someone across the street
mends a pillowcase, clouds shift, the gutter spout
pours rain, someone else lights a cigarette? 

(Because he flinched, because he didn’t whirl
around, face them, because he didn’t hurl
the challenge back—”Fascists?”—not “Faggots”—Swine!
he briefly wonders—if he were a girl . . .)
He writes a line. He crosses out a line.

I’ll never be a man, but there’s a boy
crossing out words: the rain, the linen-mender,
are all the homework he will do today.
The absence and the priviledge of gender

confound in him, soprano, clumsy, frail.
Not neuter—neutral human, and unmarked,
the younger brother in the fairy tale
except, boys shouted “Jew!” across the park

at him when he was coming home from school.
The book that he just read, about the war,
the partisans, is less a terrible
and thrilling story, more a warning, more

a code, and he must puzzle out the code.
He has short hair, a red sweatshirt. They know
something about him—that he should be proud
of? That’s shameful if it shows?

That got you killed in 1942.
In his story, do the partisans
have sons? Have grandparents? Is he a Jew
more than he is a boy, who’ll be a man

someday? Someone who’ll never be a man
looks out the window at the rain he thought
might stop. He reads the sentence he began.
He writes down something that he crosses out.

  1. ‘he writes down something that he crosses out’… story of my life just there.

  2. This is seriously one of the most stunning things I’ve ever read. Going to research further. Thank you for introducing me.

    • It’s amazing isn’t it? I had not heard of her before, either. I just stumbled across the poem when I was looking for ‘non-essentialist’ representations of sex/gender identity.

      I just love the idea of her presenting herself as a ‘who’ll never be a man’.

      Apparently she was married with kids but now defines herself as a lesbian, if the internet is to be trusted!

  3. Yeah, she’s a great find and “who’ll never be a man” does say it all. That’s an interesting backstory she has. I guess the men who “turn women into lesbians” are the fear of the men who try to “turn lesbians straight.”

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