Posted: November 7, 2010 in Kink, Uncategorized, Writing
Tags: ,

I had a friend who described once in quite a bit of detail, how she fisted her lover as a ‘submissive act’. I couldn’t get my head round it.

He was a surgeon I think. (Oh god or did I make that up? I don’t think so. He had a good job. He was Australian and married I know that much). The surgeon idea stayed with me because of the way she described the fisting ‘operation’.

She put on a red silk long glove I think. Or was it black and rubber? The point is I imagined her putting the glove on herself and stretching it up over her wrist, all the way up her arm to her shoulder.

And then turning to his ass laid out before her, and massaging it gently opening it up gradually, widening the hole. Before placing one gloved finger in, then two then three. And spreading her hand slowly open like a flower blooming in slow motion on a nature programme. I don’t know how she did it. Ive never done it or had it done. But I know she did.

I just don’t understand how he was the dominant partner in that situation? Lying on his front his arse in the air, or what on his back, his legs up her surgeons glove going in to find his innermost organs. The pain??

My conclusion is that when people say words like ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’. ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ they dont know what they are talking about.

When one person has her fist up another person’s arse, she’s fisting him. She is the do-er. He is the receiver.

Power is everywhere and it never only goes in one direction. We try to harness it but we can’t.

She is a strong woman I was scared of her myself.

I just wish people would be more clear.

  1. sickkid1972 says:

    Perhaps the domination here is not physical, so much as it is mental. She may have felt obliged to shove her hand up this chap’s rear in order to please him, regardless of his physically submissive positioning, he may indeed have been running the show and therefore be considered the dominant player in this little scenario… clarity is subjective.

  2. Although I see your point. I think the do-er can be the submissive. I’m not super familiar with BDSM or its lingo, but isn’t it often said that the sub holds the power in the relationship.

    I can definitely envision a scenario where fisting someone could be a submissive act. It all depends on the intention.

  3. I expect neither of you two have been fisted? I think it is difficult to be in control when you are experiencing that…

  4. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lucy, Elly . Elly said: New post: FIST (or, how to write a novel by not writing a novel) […]

  5. Alex says:

    I can’t think of any stronger symbol of power than lying there doing nothing while the other person does all the pleasuring-work. There’s dominance in passivity.

    • there is dominance in passivity yes. But is there dominance in having the inside of your arsehole ripped apart by somebody’s fist? This is my question. I do not know the answer. Except I think I do.

  6. hmm says:

    Maybe she was afraid of him? Physically, emotionally. Depends what she thought she had to do to be loved by him (especially if she finds this sort of thing truly disgusting).

    Have you seen the “butter scene” from Last Tango in Paris?

    Oh my, I believe that just proves YOUR point.

    I meant the nail manicure scene:

    better check it out before youtube makes it “not suitable for minors” and you have to sign in to see it . And who wants to sign in, these fast days?
    But I agree that people often don’t know what they mean by their terms. Subconsciously or literally.

  7. hmm says:

    Now the comments await moderation . And I feel submitted by and dominated. I don’t know how to use those terms, either.

  8. The relationship in last tango in Paris is obviously very interesting in terms of power dynamics. Power switches between the two, even in that scene.

    But I would argue that on a basic physical level Gerard holds the power in that scene. The woman is naked, in the bath. He shows he could push her under the water if he wished. He is clothed and mobile. I have been in such a situation and I know I had no power. And the guy I was with had a razor in his hand.

  9. Null says:

    What if he told her to? A dominant can order his/her submissive to penetrate them.

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