The Metrosexual Murderer Strikes Again…

Posted: October 26, 2010 in metrosexuality, Uncategorized

…and this time he puts the knife into women’s upper hand, when it comes to judging men by their dress-sense.

According to a (woman) journalist in New York, All Dudes Learned How To Dress And It Sucks !!!

Here she explains why the newfound sartorial know-how of New York Men is a blessing and a curse:

”I swear to Christ, whatever happened when the “Urban Woodsman” alpha rolled the Metrosexual and hugged him super tight until they made a beautiful, beautiful baby is seriously doing it for me. I maybe want to make love to this baby. I CANNOT DEAL. Men dressing too well is gross, right? I want SO BADLY to think it’s gross. On one hand I think it’s hella Niles Crane and a little murderer-y to curate a “look” but on the other, I’m seeing purrrrrrrfect slender micro-patterned ties with gingham shirts, the SICKEST olive M-65 parkas, shawl collared cardigans, chambray, twill, toggles, perfect-length Henley plackets, non-dickhead bowties, epaulets, and even slight club collars (GAH) on dudes who up until turning thirty thought it was maybe OK to wear skate shoes. I can’t believe I don’t even know what this new thing is called”

Her main problem is she can no longer ‘read’ men like she used to:

I can’t figure out how old anyone is. I can’t figure out how gay anyone is’

And she never knows if a guy is within her ballpark or totally out of her league:

”The most middling guy will never have to tell me that my haircut works for my broad shoulders ever again because he can just wear the right fish tail parka with the absolutely correct sweater and I’ll think they’re enough out of my league that I’ll spazpanicmakeout with him on GP. I just hope when he dickrolls (rickroll + dickpic) me that his penis is carrying a wee little Filson. I WOULD DIE”

Her conclusion is worrying. This rather sharp young journo has realised the unthinkable, that men are actually talking to each other about clothes, fashion, personal style:

‘they’re all obviously in cahoots. They’re all telling each other what works for them and being constructive and honest and the result is just so much more effective/destructive than any Neil Strauss edict ever.’

This is a worrying situation indeed. Women are losing their ability to ‘read’ (and for ‘read’, read ‘manipulate’) men, because men are all upping their game when it comes to how they look. There is something very ‘New York’, very ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ about this piece. It reveals an obsession with social status and who is on whose ‘league’ when it comes to heterosexual sex and dating. But I think it has wider connotations about metro-heterosexual-relations.

The world has changed, girls. It may look much, much prettier. But it is also a helluvah lot more confusing.

Goodnight and Good Luck.

  1. innegative says:

    All I can see in the metrosexual is the blank-faced eradication of all cultural heterogeneity and its replacement with sterilised commodity. It’s the flesh and blood manifestation of the Ipod – anti-septic plastic packaging with a 40,000 strong playlist of culturally indifferent sound and melody. If women can’t read it, it’s because there is nothing to read.

    • you are right of course. But I think it is taking women a while to realise that their desires for a more suave, well-turned out man are not leading to the nirvana they had hoped for. They do not want what they want, as William Burroughs might have said in the voice of Mark Simpson via a podcast played on my i-pod.

  2. found this in the links below. I like the description of the men who work on the shore…

  3. Mark says:

    WILLY SAYS: Anyone who writes about metrosexuality in terms of ‘feminisation’ – or especially ‘feminization’ – hasn’t even BEGUN to grasp just how scary this brave new metro world is.

  4. It is a good job I get some kind of kick out of being frightened. It’s all I have left.

    I like the first article though, I think it expresses something of the confusion and the fact that even being a metropolitan sexual-social climber is becoming more complicated these days. Poor Carrie.

  5. AND, when is Willy going to write this horror story for us all to read it in full?

    I can’t write it. I don’t know how it ends…

  6. No, William B was no metrosexual. And I don’t think Mr Simpson is either. They are both far too ‘romantic’ in the old-fashioned sense of the word.

    I don’t think critical writers can be fully part of the culture they critique. They have to stand apart a little. Someone like Brett Easton Ellis is scary to me because he somehow manages to effect a kind of critical distance whilst also embodying completely the thing that he writes about. I would not want to bump into him in a dark alley or a bright shopping mall.

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