Why I Am Not A Lesbian

Posted: October 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

This is Christina Aguilera. I would. I mean. If I could. No. I mean. OH. I don’t know. She makes me go all funny.

I could have posted a photo of Cate Blanchett, Martha Wainwright, Marilyn Munroe, Annie Lennox, or Sandrine Bonnaire. They all have the same effect on me.

I have seen two of them in real life, (guess which two?) and they sent my stomach spinning. My heart racing.

But you see.  These amazing beautiful charismatic articulate soulful women. They just remind me why I am not a dyke.

I’m not even a wannabe lesbian. I haven’t even kissed a girl (would I like it?).

Because. I mean. Beautiful women intimidate me. Not just film stars, pop divas. Any woman that I find in the least bit attractive, I suddenly feel completely awkward in her company. I have many beautiful friends, and that’s ok. I have good boundaries. But those other ones, that make me shiver a little inside. I can barely speak to them.

Men  never intimidate me in this way. Not even the most beautiful ones on earth. Sure I might get shy. I might not go up to Vincent Cassell in a crowded bar, even if he looked down on his luck. But I wouldn’t feel unworthy. I think I am as good and as sexy and as vibrant as any man.

But show me an attractive, fuckable, amazing, delectable, sensual, starry, stupendous woman.

And I will turn away, inadequate, full of wistful loss and desire. I will sigh.

That’s why.

That’s why I am not a lesbian.

  1. arctic_jay says:

    What you’re experiencing is the female equivalent of male “hero worship.” Despite childish feminist handwringing, men will always be in greater awe of the physical prowess and exceptional bravery of other men. Partly, this is because men are, as a group, stronger, faster, more courageous, etc. But it’s also because men still strive to approach the masculine ideal that has always been valued by human cultures, and the masculine ideal can only be fully represented by male idols.

    Women, on the other hand, are treated as sexually superior. The courtship game is essentially men proving they’re worthy of female attention. This female narcissism allows them a confidence concerning men in general and which makes your claim that “I am as good and as sexy and as vibrant as any man” possible, though illogical, for you to believe. However, this narcissism can only be applied in one direction. Just as men are critically ranked on their manliness, women are on their beauty: some girls are just bigger than others. The coddling women receive in heterosexual situation makes them ill prepared emotionally for the cruel sexual appraisals meted out by beautiful interesting women. Also, men, who already assume sexual inferiority in themselves, use other attributes to attract better looking women (wealth, status, “balls”). An ordinary woman meeting Angelina Jolie will recognize a being fully superior to herself.

    This post makes me think of you as a lesbian, because you revel in femaleness. Ironically, the idealization of female beauty that attracts you to women in the first place is also what complicates your relationships with women to the point that you avoid romance with them.

    Similarly, though not parallel, many men cannot consider themselves gay due to the very love of masculinity that attracts them to men in the first place.

  2. haha Jay. We are probably all lesbians then.

    Though some of those women I listed: annie Lennox and Cate B in particular, are quite ‘masculine’ in their presentation a lot of the time. When I say ‘beautiful women’ I don’t necessarily mean a feminine archetype of beauty.

    But you do a good line in theory!

  3. P.s. I don’t fancy Angelina Jolie. She is too… female.

  4. arctic_jay says:

    Annie Lennox and Cate Blanchett don’t strike me as masculine at all. Can you imagine them getting into a fight? More non-gendered, which is why I assume all the strange little girls like them so much. How do you feel about Tilda Swinton?

    It’s very rare for white women to be truly masculine. Ethnicities that have minority status in the West value masculinity more, giving their women more of a fully masculine influence to draw off on.

  5. I think annie and cate have probably been in more fights than you might think. They seem like two of the toughest people out there to me.

  6. Alex says:

    “Ironically, the idealization of female beauty that attracts you to women in the first place is also what complicates your relationships with women to the point that you avoid romance with them.”
    Are you suggesting QRG is a teenage boy?

    “I don’t fancy Angelina Jolie. She is too… female.”
    Definitely a lesbian. Everyone I know who fancies Angelina Jolie is a straight girl.

  7. charlee says:

    quiet riot girl
    been reading your blog a little
    i am in awe of you
    intrigued by you
    it sounds like you may have issues with both genders
    i suggest a consultation as i am not sure if i am a woman trapped inside a man or a man trapped inside a woman
    perhaps we could fly two birds with one stunning
    you have my email :)……… would like 2 meet 🙂

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