Before we go to sleep, he whispers in my ear:
‘If you need to piss in the night you must ask my permission. OK?’
‘Ok’ I say. I don’t really think about what this means. I am battered, my mind is still bent out of shape.
Earlier he told me to piss and he collected it in a bowl and put his dick in the salty liquid and told me to suck.
So I sucked. And I didn’t know which of us was inside who or how a cunt and a mouth and a dick can become as one.
I can’t explain why but there was something magical and serene about this act.
You have to walk through the glass doors into the other world to know what I am talking about.
But now I am battered, and bruised, and I feel like I am a child. Like someone else is in charge and it’s all going to be ok.
Sleep descends on our tired bodies, the smells and scars of sex sticking to our skin like bits of cum, or blood.
My dreams are a waterfall, a hot spring, a river bursting its banks.
At dawn the light jolts me awake. I need to piss. I still feel like a child, but this time I am scared. My bladder is bursting with shame.
Can I just sneak to the toilet without waking him? What if I wait too long and wet myself? Did he really mean it or was it a joke, a trick? What if he tells me I’m a stupid, dirty slut, for imagining he’d told me to ask if I could go for a piss?
In the end, I can’t hold it in any longer. He stirs next to me and the first thing I say is:
‘I need to piss’.
‘Good girl’ he says. ‘Good girl’.
It wasn’t a joke. I did the right thing. I feel relief wash through me as he takes me by the hand and leads me to the bathroom.
We are still in the other world. The room is filled with an aura, an electricity. I sit, naked, pissing. I look up at him in awe and wonder at how something so basic I have been doing all my life can suddenly seem exciting, and beautiful.
The joyful sound of piss hitting ceramic and water, a golden stream splashing into our consciousness, waking us up this morning.
We are completely new.
Image: Piss Flower by Helen Chadwick (RIP) http://fineart.ac.uk/works.php?imageid=bt0005