Where’s Monogamy?

Posted: October 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

This is a map of all the different types of non-monogamy by Franklin Veaux: http://tacit.livejournal.com/333842.html  which I first saw on Laura Augustin’s brilliant site :  http://www.lauraagustin.com    (click on image to enlarge)

My question is, where is monogamy? in all this. Is it a separate planet, where all the monogamous people live? Or is it tacked onto the left handside, overlapping slightly with the ‘cheating’  and the ‘commerce’ sections of the map? (If you want to make a sex worker laugh, just tell her/him you believe in monogamy).  But what about serial monogamy? All those short, aborted ‘relationships’ that aren’t quite casual sex but aren’t exactly marriages or even love (or the example of Tony Curtis (RIP), who was married six times)? What about that time you and your mate Steve wanked each other off in the basement watching Casino Royale? What about all that pornography, all those furtive glances on buses and trains and in nightclubs? What about the night you went for a drink with a co-worker, and when you kissed goodbye you smacked lips instead of cheeks? What about when you accidently brush against someone on the tube and you feel a stirring in your pants? What about your dreams ? (for the Christians among you: ‘anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ Matthew 5:27-28)

My question, inspired by my experience, my research and this rather beautifully crazy crazy-paving map, is….


Next week: Where’s Heterosexuality?

  1. JenniferRuth says:

    I think monogamy exists. But I don’t think it is a physical state, defined by a relationship – it’s more a state of being. Some people are, some people aren’t. The trouble is that monogamy is regarded as the “default” or “normal” state of being and everything revolves around that with non-monogamous relationships being seen as “deviant” – which is bollocks.

  2. Hi Jen.
    don’t our states of being change, though, over time? Mine do!

  3. Farah D says:

    I think monogamy is overated and has little space in a post-nuclear family set up.

  4. it certainly doesnt have a space on this map Farah! thanks for your comment.

  5. Rebecca says:

    Hi, QRG!

    I have no answer to your question, but two notes:
    1. that link to the Laura Augustin page goes nowhere.
    2. the map was actually made by Franklin Veaux, and was published here:

    Could you update your post, please?

  6. done that Rebecca, thanks.

  7. JenniferRuth says:

    States of being can change but it doesn’t mean they do for everyone! Some people might never be monogamous. Some people might always be! A lot of people probably change their minds about what they want from relationships a lot.

    I don’t know how it would fit on the map but to be honest I think there is way too much dissecting and catagorising the minutiae of sexualities as it is.

    I quite like monogamy but I do wonder that’s mainly because I’m terribly lazy.

  8. but dissecting the minutiae of sexualities is what I do, Jen! (I agree we don’t need all those categories- I find them funny -what is ‘unicorn polyamory’??)

  9. Mark says:

    Yes, but does the Metropolitan Line stop at Wood Lane on Sundays? I can’t quite make it out.

  10. JenniferRuth says:

    Yeah, minutiae probably wasn’t the right word! I was more trying to refer to the idea of these categories and boxes annoying me because most of the time they’re narrowly defined.

    I’m probably going to go google “unicorn polymory” now 🙂

  11. JenniferRuth says:

    Googled it – how dull!

    • it is dull. I find in sexuality, it is often language used to describe things that makes them sound more exciting. and I don’t mean to be overly controversial, but even the term ‘rape’ I think is used to add drama to what is basically either sexual assault, or in the context of kink, just rough sex or pretending to be a damsel in distress.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s