Respect The Cock, But Not Too Much

Posted: October 6, 2010 in Masculinities, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

HELP!!

I am in danger of turning the name of this blog into Dan Savage Is Annoying !

I am barely joking.

There is something about his particular unique melange of machismo, uber-masculinism, GAY fundamentalism, American middle class liberal imperialist superiority, a hint, a subliminal hint of hatred of men (men who are not Dan Savage that is-even in his sex advice columns), the inevitable, pernicious, underlying misogyny that goes with all those characteristics, that makes me want to RIOT!

Here is an excerpt from a letter to Dan’s ‘Savage Love’ sex advice column in The Seattle Stranger:

‘Is it considered “going down” on someone if they don’t have an orgasm? For instance, one night, right before my girlfriend and I have sex, she sucks my penis for five minutes, then we switch to traditional penis-in-vagina sex. Would she be able to tell her friends the next day (hypothetically) that last night, she went down on her boyfriend and then we had sex? Or do I have to have cum while she was sucking my penis for her to have “gone down” on me?’

Here is an excerpt from Dan’s response to his reader:

‘let’s say I come over to your place, bend you over the sofa, and fuck your ass for, let’s say, an entire episode Judge Judy. But after 30 minutes in Judith Sheindlin’s courtroom—and your ass—I pull my dick out of your ass and get myself off with my hand.Did I masturbate? Or did I fuck your ass? … Similarly, if your girlfriend sucks your dick, Brock, then you have to concede that she went down on you even if you didn’t orgasm in her mouth, same as I fucked your ass during a whole episode of Judge Judy even if I didn’t orgasm in your butt. So when she sucks you and then you fuck her, Brock, you and the girlfriend are having oral sex first as foreplay, then vaginal intercourse for the main event.’

To quote my lovely online friend, Olga, ‘Holy Hell!’

Firstly Dan rolls out the very retrosexual idea of ‘oral sex as foreplay and PIV intercourse as ‘the main event’ ‘. This old fashioned view of sex has been refuted by respondents to a recent American  Sex Survey who value a range of activities and consider them to be part of their sexual repetoire, not hors d’oeuvres before the main juicy cock steak that Savage seems hooked up on.

Also, Savage uses this question about what constitutes a sexual act, to tell us all how easy it would be for him to come round and fuck some straight dude’s ass for a full thirty minutes. I will ignore the fact he doesn’t mention consent, as that is probably nitpicking.  As an agony uncle, isn’t it a bit um, egotistical to say the least, to put yourself in the story told by the person writing to you, to use the image of you, buggering that individual, to illustrate a reductive point about what sex is? Yes Dan it is.

I love men. I love cocks. But I do not respect cocks any more than I respect cunts, or arms, or rectums, or knees, or spleens, or eyeballs, or elbows. I respect people.  But I don’t respect people who wave their cocks in my face, demanding my respect. My worship. My acqiuescence. This cunt will not be tamed.

 What Dan needs, what we all need at some point in our lives, is a little bit of cunt love

Comments
  1. Alex says:

    “Firstly Dan rolls out the very retrosexual idea of ‘oral sex as foreplay and PIV intercourse as ‘the main event’.”

    I’m not sure he does. He’s directly comparing it to vigorous anal sex, culminating in a nice, anti-climactic wank. Yes, he calls it foreplay, but it was the caller who rolled that one out.

  2. he called penetrative sex ‘the main event’… the ‘caller’ didn’t. You will have to try harder to convince me Mr Savage is not a dick!

  3. Humpadoodle says:

    The caller makes a specific distinction between ‘going down’ and ‘having sex’; if anything Savage attempts to break that down by referring to having ‘vaginal intercourse as the main event’, implying that a multitude of other things could be the main event if the caller so desired.

    He uses an outlandish and self-centred example to respond to illustrate the caller’s stupidity (the stupid part being, of course, assuming PIV/orgasm is what counts as sex) – ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

  4. One thing I did like about his “advice” is that it brings up the whole idea (although indirectly) that an orgasm isn’t the end or the be all of sex; that there is more to it than that. Or maybe, I’m just giving him too much credit. Who knows? One thing is for sure, you’re really annoyed with him this week. But like I said in the comment reply on my blog, I don’t know him or his work well enough to make a definitive comment on it.

    On another note, Holy Hell! I laughed so hard when you quoted me saying “Holy Hell”….I smiled and laugher and thought to myself that someone actually picked up on that. Funny and pretty AWESOME.

  5. popupsncockups says:

    The problem about womens sexual power these days is that the freedom to fuck a man is conflicting with there own feelings which in some like Carrie Bradshaw is still very much a cheap and dirty attitude, look at samantha in it, she represents a true womans sexual strength and love of it, but she is cast on the edges of the group, she wouldn’t be liked amongst many women, its still the submissive sexuality that’s prevalent, it’s actually women oppressing their sexuality the west’s attitude to equality has moved so fast, it’s caught us off guard, everyone is now equal, legally and socially, we all have the right to fuck the way we want to, male, female, whatever, that lets say the man wants the woman to take charge, (samantha) it’s rare that she will fuck him, it’s still to raw for a lot, so unless your secure, sorted, emotionally, sexually, and strength of mind, its out there to enjoy, Go forth and fuck your man. fuck the missionary.

  6. some women are lesbians.

  7. I’m going to go a shade more basic here: what a fucking rude man. I mean, wow, Dan, we’re all very impressed with sheer enthusiasm and witty repartee, but I think you’re missing the whole point of an advice column here. Someone – who is a bit confused about sex – has asked you a question. Yes, he comes off as a bit of a dick, but then we’re all dicks over sex when we’re what, 16 is my best guess. Stop treating sex like it’s a chest-beating contest. Yuk.

  8. Clarence says:

    Ahh whine, whine.
    I’m disappointed a bit, QRG, thought you were tougher than that.

    And yes, to me and most men PIV is the “main event”. It’s USUALLY the hardest thing to get a woman to do (admittedly , there are exceptions) and many girls will still consider themselves virgins if they haven’t let anyone “go all the way”.

    That and without PIV there’s no babies, so biologically it is the ONLY important sex act.

    With a few rare exceptions, I like Dan’s rude ways. He doesn’t usually bully his commenters, and he is straight to the point.

  9. I dont worry about majorities Clarence. I am interested in difference.
    Some men enjoy sex with other men- no vaginas to be seen. Dan Savage is one such man so what he is going on about here I don’t know.

  10. Clarence says:

    Well as soon as someone comes up with that strawman that PIV is the only sex act, let me know.
    As for Dan, his audience is mostly straight and het, plus he has some straight friends so he knows how we tend to think.
    Perhaps you just wanted to rant a bit. I do sense some ambivalent feelings on your part about Dan Savage.

  11. I am not ambivalent Clarence I can’t stand the guy!

  12. Clarence says:

    To each his or her own, QRG.

    At least he gets you riled up. (Thinks of a romantic comedy where Dan discovers he’s been secretely bi or het all along and falls for this ..girl..who has this blog..and she finds him ..stimulating….)

    Goes and hides before QRG gets her hands on my blasphemous head!

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