(Is there really more than one of you?) I have a confession to make. I am an immature, catty, bitchy, (any other animal imagery you care to add feel free) Cow. And when I am angry and upset and tired of bullshit, I am even more immature and bitchy. This is the context in which I post this.
Today I googled ‘Dan Savage Is Annoying’ in a last-ditch attempt to dig some dirt on the squeaky-clean, toned and lean gay rights campaigner, ‘sexpert’ and Seattle-based Stranger journalist. You can google him yourself if you really want to. I am too annoyed to link to his crap right now.
But my search for Dan Savage Is Annoying only brought up examples of Dan Savage being annoyed. And, one of the people he has been most annoyed with in recent years, is Garrison Keillor, that cuddly, Minnesotan, Episcopalian author and radio broadcaster. Uncle Garrison to me.
Here is what annoyed Dan:
Garrison Keillor wrote a column (in 2007-I know this is the bottom of the barrel-watch me scrape), a gentle self-effacing, satirical column, about changes to the family and society in America. He reminisced about life with a monogamous, cross-sex mommy and daddy couple as parents. He made some jokes. And then he wrote:
‘And now gay marriage will produce a whole new string of hyphenated relatives. In addition to the ex-stepson and ex-in-laws and your wife’s first husband’s second wife, there now will be Bruce and Kevin’s in-laws and Bruce’s ex, Mark, and Mark’s current partner, and I suppose we’ll get used to it.
The country has come to accept stereotypical gay men — sardonic fellows with fussy hair who live in over-decorated apartments with a striped sofa and a small weird dog and who worship campy performers and go in for flamboyance now and then themselves. If they want to be accepted as couples and daddies, however, the flamboyance may have to be brought under control. Parents are supposed to stand in back and not wear chartreuse pants and black polka-dot shirts. That’s for the kids. It’s their show’.
Dan Savage didn’t see the funny side, especially as Garrison seemed to be describing someone remarkably like Dan.
‘Oh. My. God.’! exclaimed Savage, flamboyantly, in a piece entitled, interestingly, ‘Fuck Garrison Keillor’…
‘Where to start? How about that one sentence that somehow manages to pack in six flaming stereotypes about gay men—fussy hair, small dogs, over-decorated apartments, and on and on. Yes, Garrison, all of us gay men—particularly us gay parents!—are decadent, flamboyant creatures. Sure, having kids means puke on your chartreuse trousers and candy ground into your expensive sofa—but, hey, those are small prices to pay if it means getting to show off your chartreuse pants at PTA meetings!
What an asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. What Keillor wrote today on Salon is every bit as offensive as Ann Coulter’s “faggot” joke about John Edwards and relies on the same set of cultural prejudices’!
Look at these two men. Look at Garrison’s puggy little face, his wrinkled brow, his grandad specs. Look at his down-turned mouth, the way he faces the camera with a shrug, a sigh. Compare that to Savage, his nice hair, the glimpse of some impressive biceps, that clean white t-shirt, the glint in his eye, a semi, self-appreciating-smile.
Which one do you think is more capable of taking the piss out of himself? Of his fellow human? Of his ‘Nation’?
Which one could take a joke? Or make a joke? Or get a joke?
Which one loves the sound of his own voice, especially when it is saying the word ‘asshole’ over and over?
I am really annoyed with Dan Savage. I am too annoyed to articulate why or to even tell you what I am annoyed about. So I have found this example of him being annoyed with one of my favourite writers. And I want you to think he is a real twat who doesn’t have a sense of humour. I want you to look at his smug face and to feel like, oh, to feel like telling it how smug and twattish it is.
And then I want you to do your research, and come back and tell me I am right. That Dan Savage Is Annoying and his hissy fit over lovely Garrison’s gentle humour is just the tip of a very big, very nasty, very annoying iceberg.
Yours, in ever-decreasing circles of irritation,
Quiet Riot Girl