Macho Fags

Posted: September 25, 2010 in Desire, Masculinities, Porn, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Ah, machismo. It is such a pretty word, for such an ugly thing. Imagine it, spoken softly in a lilting Italian brogue, with a sigh, by a devestatingly beautiful, pensive woman. Look at her sat, frowning on the steps of her villa, surrounded by the most picturesque countryside in the world, pondering the sadness of her life. Consider all the men that have come and gone through her body, that have looked in her eyes and not seen her, that have fucked her, over and over and over, but never fucked her, not really. That have drunk all her wine, talked and talked and talked at her, sometimes rasing their hands to her perfect porcelain face. And then fucked off into the Tuscan night. Ah, machismo mi amore.

I have been seduced by macho men before. Not the stereotypical ones, the giveaways with builders bums and stella burps. The ones that call me ‘darlin’ and shout about ‘that bitch’ the wife. And not the suave ones either, the ones that know how to make their moves on women, that wear thick silver watches and talk about business in loud voices. Who spend their evenings on the prowl looking for whores. Or worse. They are too obvious. But I have been seduced all the same.

And I never realise till it is too late.

Once he said it was like ‘fucking a corpse’.

Once or more than once, the ego of a man nearly toppled me over flat onto my face.

Once, once when his foot was in my back and I was on the floor, that’s when I got it, finally.

Once, once I was sucking his cock and he was calling me his whore and for a moment I didn’t know if it was real or a game.

Once, or more than once, a man has looked at me with such contempt that I have wanted  to kill him.

Once, sat in my parents’ living room, the policeman taking the statement asked, ‘how do you spell misogyny?’

Once, or more than once, a man has groped me right in the cunt, hard. And laughed.

Once, the room went black. I had to go to hospital.

And I never realise till it is too late.

So maybe I have turned to gay men as a way of escaping machismo. Especially those aesthetic, philosophical, sensitive gay types.   Think of a gay intellectual and what kind of picture springs to mind? Even now, knowing what I know, I imagine  a beautiful, slightly effete man, tall and svelte, well dressed, a relaxed but fragile air. I think of Isherwood, strolling round Berlin, or E.M. Forster sat in his study. Or Foucault, gesticulating frantically that electric wildness lighting up his eyes. (Though sometimes I can’t help but imagine someone like this) There are some beautiful, bright, sensitive queer thinkers, still, hiding in the shadows. But there are also macho fags. You don’t think of gay men as macho do you, not even the big, butch, hunks of manlove. Especially not them really, for butch is nearly always drag, or an over-compensation for a lack. Macho fags exist. I have felt their hatred.

Academia is full of machismo (and, in some corridors, gay men). The peer review process is a form of  macho posturing, the cockerels, the bulls  in the ring, fighting for glory. Have you ever been to an academic conference? It’s not unlike a boxing match. But without the sex and violence, just the stale smell of alcohol, tired cliches and heavyweight egos, fighting it out in front of a dozing crowd. Deleuze calls his appropriation and interpretation of other philosophers’ work ‘buggery: enculage’. He fucks his heroes up the arse. Just to make a point, to overpower them. Poor Derrida, Poor Baudrillard, they don’t look like they want to be taken from behind so mercilessly by this young upstart. He’s sat there in his ivory tower, waving his French, rhizomatic gay cock in our faces.

And I never realise till it is too late.

That bastard, that fucker who buggered my boy and his friends, he was an academic and an intellectual. He wouldn’t let anyone call him ‘fag’ (or turn him into one, you know how). He didn’t identify as gay. But he made sure he was surrounded by young, handsome, adoring acolytes, that he could impress with his archaeology of knowledge, as he dug and dug and plundered their arses for his pleasure and his power.

I used to look up to Mr Fuck Theory. He is another gay man of letters. Why do I always fall for them? An American college lecturer, he uses a blog to deconstruct philosophy with a wave of his magic wand, producing post-modern aphorisms on sex and gender: a Foucault for the internet generation. History of Sexuality, Dude. I couldn’t get enough. But he was just one more macho fag, waving his cock around, ‘philosophising with a hammer’ as he calls it, hammering home the metaphor. He took every opportunity to remind everyone he was a ‘top’, and he didn’t enjoy being challenged by a little woman.  He likes to fuck theory, you see, not to get fucked intellectually (is it, according to these gay thinkers, physiologically impossible to be a bottom (or a girl) and to have a brain?). It’s his way of dominating, a form of control.

And I never realise till it is too late.

Men have always had trouble accepting homosexuality, especially their own. The  historical perception was that men who buggered other men were free from accusations of being homosexual, whilst those who got buggered were branded as queer, homo, fags. This macho myth is shown to persist, not just among many straight people, but also in ‘other places’, such as within Latino culture  or the Balkan States as depicted in Suck My Nation . But here in the New Gay World where gay men are free to be who they are, to drink in their own bars, to shop at Waitrose, to get hitched, they are all supposed to be equal, no matter whose ass is getting pounded.  But I have a hunch that the hierarchical gendered dichotomy between top and bottom, fucker and sucker, Man and Bitch, is also still alive and well, even in the condos of Canal Street, the bistros of Williamsburgh, the Oyster stalls of Borough Market. Some of my Gay brothers are starting to look worryingly straight round the edges.

We all play power games in sex. Everyone needs something to push against. Sexual inequality is as inevitable and reassuring as Newton’s Third Law.  But standing here, facing forwards, my back to the wall, I want to take these fuckers on. (Are you with me, bitches?) I don’t like these hard men who, no matter how ‘gay’ they may admit to being,  think, deep down, even when their dick is in your mouth,or you are bending over like a good piece of fuckmeat,  that the worst thing a person could be in this world is a cock sucker, an arse-giver, or, even worse than that, a woman.  They are the macho fags of this world.

And I never realise till it is too late.

I am the matador, brandishing the red rag to the bull, and then trying to duck at the last minute; I am the nail that thinks it will be the one clever enough to avoid the hammer’s blow; I am that senorita, sitting, sighing on the steps of her villa.  Ah, machismo, mi amore. I want you dead.

  1. Mark says:

    Macho fags are the worst. And I should know, being one. I blame Jeff Stryker – I was exposed to far too much of him and his wooden hair at an early age. But really, I should only blame myself.

  2. I can understand why many gay men do everything they can to reject the ‘queen’ image and ‘queens’ themselves. It is in part a way of rejecting the stereotype of being a gay man. But taken to extremes it is kind of sad, and a little bit queeny in itself. You may have issues with ‘effeminacy’ but at least you seem not to be hostile to actual women. The macho fags I have come across have been really quite nasty to me as a woman. I don’t know what Deleuze would be like. Probably a bit of a twat.

  3. Mark says:

    My last remaining shred of self-respect is invested in the fact I haven’t yet become a ‘bear’. Which appears to be what Jeff Strykers AND twinks turn into.

    Too many gay men are either queeny gays who ADORE women (often in a very ambivalent/smothering fashion), or queeny macho gays in plaid who seem to be more afraid of women than the black housekeeper in Tom and Jerry was afraid of mice. Personally, I’m much more scared of of crowds of gay men. I only really liked ‘mixed’ gay clubs when I used to go clubbing, back in the Twentieth Century. I’m not really sure that gay men can properly function socially without at least some women around. And that’s coming from someone who went to an all-male boarding school and rather enjoyed it.

    • I used to get dragged to gay clubs in Manchester in the 1990s by my gay-friendly friends. I don’t have many good memories of those nights. Shame I didn’t bump into you we could have bitched away in a corner while my mates did Es and danced stupidly to Kylie. And then I’d go home back to my real Gay life. I really should write this shit down in a proper manner.

    • I was a bit disappointed to read that Patrick Califia identifies as a Bear now. Writing about Macho Fags has reminded me about his book Macho Sluts, and I thought he may have some interesting comments on machismo and gay identities, but now I am starting to doubt that…

  4. But sometimes its very obvious we (women) are serving a function in terms of gay men’s identity. When I think of the nights I spent in the pub with my ex and his macho fag queen ‘professor’ I think I was there as The Other, the one who they could distinguish themselves from, and use to hide their own pathological relationship. That was nice.

  5. Another warrior (apart from me) in the fight against Macho Fags, and for honesty about the continued gendered divisions amongst gay men.

    But you know what I thought when I read that? He has to be a ‘bottom’.

  6. Machismo is a beautiful word for an ugly thing. It also seems to hold the most delicate things behind it. Otherwise, why would all that bluster be needed?

  7. very true, Caroline. I have been known in the past to see the delicate thing and forget about the bluster to my cost.

  8. […] you could try and seek some Advice from a fellow ‘sexpert’, someone who is not such a macho fag as […]

  9. Stoner With A Boner says:


    This is something I’ve only realized recently-sexual orientation and masculinity are two different things. (I left similar comments on another blog, so apologies for the redundancy.) I was often called Sissy and Fag as I had zero interest in sports. Most often by a relative of mine who is currently employed in the military as a professional murderer for the oil companies…. Well, more specifically, he is an officer–he tells less educated men with larger testicles to do the dirty work over the radio while thinking of his next promotion. I am not the most masculine guy but am 100% heterosexual. I’ve had offers to expiriment with men but always declined.

    I know a gay man who is a construction worker. He told me all kinds of crazy stories. He told me that when he is unable to get a one night stand, he will visit a glory hole at a porno shop. He told me about “booty bumping” (look it up on the internet…) They way he described other men as objects would make Larry Flynt blush-Hustler putts women on pedalstals in comparison. He is a very manly guy who fucks other guys up the butt. He is tall and drives a Ford F-150. He would probably conform better to some feminazi’s ideal of hegemonic masculinity closer than I except for his orientation.

  10. Stoner With A Boner says:

    Oh, on another tangent, I read some stuff by a man named Robert Jensen. He was anti-porn and said it was degrading to women. My gut instinct is that the porn industry is like the fast food industry-creating a product that probably isn’t healthy to it’s consumers. Still, I stand by freedom of speech…. He seemed to have a condescending tone telling other men what to do and that porn hurts women. Unsurprisingly, he is a college professor. It really seemed as if he was the “dominant male” trying to intimidate other men with big words….

  11. yes Robert Jensen is a macho fag, Stoner! I can’t stand him.

  12. […] up with a brand new project: to out America’s inner fag.  Mr Simpson has captured my anti-macho fag imagination once more with this delightfully faggy […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s