Posts Tagged ‘Metrosexy’

holly

It was a grey afternoon on Finsbury park station. All memories of our blazing hot summer had faded with our tans. We were back to griping about the ‘disruption’ to our North London/Hertforshire train service. Signal failure or something. I went to sit in a covered waiting area on the border of platforms 7 and 8.  Beside the railway a building was being demolished – a college I think. The capital can be mundane sometimes like anywhere else.

But not for long. As well as me and a young lad, staring at his phone hopefully, there was a bleach blonde woman talking very loudly on her device. I started to zone in on her side of the conversation.

‘I just thought I should tell you. She can be very difficult’.

‘We would normally travel with her but I’m doing the launch of the Russian one’.

‘ I think she was pissed off the seasons are so close together. They are just back from Australia and they have to start in the UK’.

‘To be honest that’s all the boys who are forever taking their clothes off!’

‘I’ve told her agent, I put strict conditions in the contract – if she doesn’t behave she won’t get her fee’.

‘There’s you know – dynamics have developed between them. Holly and James don’t get on but Scott’s fine, she’ll be fine with him’.

‘I wanted to be up front about it. It’d be awful if you just got landed with her with no warning’.

Now I haven’t really watched the perma-tanned, coiffed, ripped  Geordie Shore since I wrote about the first episode  a couple of years ago. But I twigged that I was eavesdropping on one of the production staff of the ‘reality TV’ show. The North Eastern extravaganza has indeed done a series in Australia. I can’t really imagine what it must be like for the ‘talent’ as the woman on the platform called the participants in the show. They are professionals now, as she said they have agents and contracts like any actor. But not many actors begin their careers by living in front of the TV cameras full time, and continue to do so with the same group of people for years to come. I’m not surprised Holly is becoming somewhat ‘difficult’. I think if it was me I’d have cracked up by the beginning of season 3.

My train finally arrived. I never heard the end of the peroxide production woman’s phone conversation. But one of her earlier comments kept me thinking on my journey home. She said ‘the boys’ (who must be men by now?!) find life as stars of Geordie Shore easier than ‘the girls’ (young women to you and me). She said the lads just settle in to their new pad, and get on with drinking and shagging whoever they can pull. But the ‘ladettes’ don’t necessarily adapt (or ‘perform’) so easily and immediately. I have often wondered if hetero young men tend to have a bit more of a sense of ‘camaraderie’ than women when embarking on sexual exploits, which, lets face it, are the point of Geordie Shore. The ‘homosocial’ bonding of men in groups, that is somehow, ironically bolstered by ‘homo anxiety’, just isn’t the same in groups of women. As I mentioned when reporting on another metrotastic reality TV show, The Bachelor, alone with a group of gorgeous hotties who he had the pick of, Gavin Henson just didn’t seem very happy. He would probably have had far more fun with the lads on Geordie Shore!

As for Holly, I am afraid I am not going to tune in to see if she survives the next series. And I am certainly not going to watch Lake Baikal Shore, or whatever the Russian version is going to be called. But I do note the importance of this metrosexual, morphing genre of ‘entertainment’ we know as reality TV. And even if Holly is miserable she does get to enjoy this cheering view on waking every morning:

boys_GS

It seems some how so inevitable that Gay I mean Guy Ritchie would direct Beckham one day, that this H and M knickers ad is not exactly world-changing.

But it shows off The Body nicely, and reminds us that whilst metrosexuality likes to adorn itself with fashion labels, it is really all about tits and abs.

And as Mr Ritchie  knows, Becks’ bodywork is still holding up pretty well, even as he becomes an ageing star. When Beckham moved to Paris recently and promised to donate his salary to charity, the Mirror named him ‘Saint Becks’. It is not easy to find, but I would like to think of him as having a bit of bad boy in him somewhere, like those other Sainted stars Saint Morrissey and Saint Genet. However, Becks is certainly an icon.

leland-bobbe-half-men-women%20(20)_preview

We already know Denmark is pretty Metrotastic. But it’s not just ‘gay’ game shows that set it apart from other, slightly more dowdy countries. Now, the Danes are bringing metrosexual gender equality right into the heart of the beast, the hair salon. In a recent court ruling, Denmark authorities have decided that the higher price women pay for their cut ‘n’ blows is illegal. Whilst we could argue that this is taking anti-discrimination ‘too far’, and that there is an objective justification for women paying more at the hairdressers – the fact it takes longer to cut and style their hair – I am quite intrigued and amused by this news.

The main ‘finding’ I am taking away from this equal opportunity tartiness, is that men’s beautification is now seen as if it is as normal,  and as valuable as women’s. When car insurance in the UK got the same ‘euro’ equality treatment, nobody was surprised that rather than making men’s car insurance cheaper, women’s tended to go up to match what men pay. The same I expect will happen with this hair directive.  Salons, that were previously giving men cut price cuts, maybe as a way of playing down men’s metro-narcissism, will probably now charge top price. I am not an expert in this field, but judging  by some of the barnets I see on metro boys these days, I think it is possible they are in the salon as long as women anyway. And with more and more unisex hairdressers, why should one group of customers pay less for the same product/service?

It seems likely that it won’t be long before ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ hair and beauty parlours will give way to the blurring and mixing of  these gendered spaces, with universal ‘pampering’ available for all. But what I think is also on the more distant horizon is the end of ‘men’ and ‘women’ altogether. We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto. The future is Metrosexy.

h/t Laura H

versace

With the recent horrendous female supremacist bluster about who are the  ‘real women‘ of this world, I was delighted to be shown this video today.

Because, old hags I mean hacks like Burchill and Moore are not only nasty they are also waaaaay behind the zeitgeist. Metrosexual masculinity, with a little help from its friends, is refashioning gender into something more fluid, more fun, and more flamboyant than those two dames can even imagine.

Hurrah for Donatella Versace and her beautiful beaus in black lace panties. And hurrah for all those men who went before them – often in secret but sometimes out in the open- who cross dressed before it was trendy. And hurrah for the  women who won’t let themselves be erased by a middle aged London media set’s narrow minded view of ‘authentic’ womanhood. These are our interesting times.

Alex-reid-cross-dr_1622886a

h/t @themichaelmoran

article-2249647-168D2348000005DC-172_634x409http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2249647/EXCLUSIVE-How-little-joy-Romeo-Beckham-kept-Burberry-team-entertained-modelling-job.html

My favourite aspect of this now well-documented story about little Romeo Beckham modelling for the (sometimes dismissed as ‘trashy’) label Burberry, is that now it is NORMAL for a boy to follow in his father’s footsteps, not as a footballer, but as a pin-up.

You Go Romeo!

‘What if I should fall right through the center of the earth… oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down.’

- Alice in Wonderland

I interrupt my blog break momentarily…

The latest series of Celebrity Big Brother is upon us in the UK. I am not watching, but I am getting the gist via twitter. I am kind of suprised anyone watches the granny of reality TV shows these days. With young bucks such as Geordie Shore and TOWIE having upgraded and spray-tanned the genre, the BB franchise is looking a bit old and tired.

So are some of its contestants. Julie Goodyear is an old dame of soap, but not really delivering the goods these days. And Julian Clary, another old dame, though still witty, is just not cutting it for me.

One comment by Clary quoted a number of times approvingly on twitter demonstrates clearly how out of touch he and his fans are. He asked Mikey The Situation Sorrentino,

‘What’s your function?’

Well, darling, it’s obvious! The Sitch, star of Jersey Shore, the  show that brought reality TV preening and plucking into the  ‘teenies’, and which spawned imitators like the orange-tastic Geordie Shore, has a very clear function. One that he carries out extremely successfully.

The Situation’s function is to get his tits out and look pretty.

As you can see in the photo above, from the opening night of CBB, he is performing his function to the letter.

One reason Julian Clary and those who still fawn at his middle aged, camp schtick, is behind nos jours, is that now, in metrosexual  culture, young, heterosexually -identified men can get away with being as camp as Christmas without having to be ‘gay’, or even considered ‘unmanly’ by their bros.

In a new book, entitled ominously ‘How To Be Gay’, the middle aged gay author David Halperin tries to save the dying swan that is ‘gay style’, and though I haven’t read it yet, seems to fail.

As this rather critical review  says:

‘Back in the 1960s, Susan Sontag – whose Notes on Camp articulated in a few fleet aphorisms most of what Halperin spends more than 500 pages paraphrasing – welcomed a new gay formalist style in criticism by declaring: “In place of a hermeneutics we need an erotics of art.”

Having trudged through Halperin’s tract, I have a proviso to add: what we definitely don’t need is an academics of Eros.’

I agree. Because Mikey Sorrentino and metrosexy young men are giving us all the ‘erotics’ and ‘style’ and ‘aesthetics’ we need in the 21st century. In HD.

This is the ‘end of gay’ and the continuation of metrosexuality.

And I am rooting for Mikey to win CBB. He already has won. Game Over.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/aug/16/celebrity-big-brother-2012-summer?newsfeed=true